Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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