So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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