You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
