this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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