Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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