Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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