You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
