I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As shirtless as possible
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
