oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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