Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
FUCK WHALES
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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