you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
