So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
