I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
