It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
