Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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