you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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