I just saw a hot homeless man
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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