You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
