She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
