Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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