well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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