i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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