There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
