just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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