if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
