Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
