I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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