Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
