who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
