Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
