I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize