Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
