erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
