There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
