Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
