dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's official drugs can't kill me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
