This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
