Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
