Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
