My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
