i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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