WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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