I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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