i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
