Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
