make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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