i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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