You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
