They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.