Your face is a jimmy john
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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