I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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