Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
