whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
