Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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