i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
