Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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