Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
