yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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