Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
