got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
