strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
