it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
