This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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