Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
